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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
By flood lighting!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8
Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich?
Because the poor have nothing worth taking!
What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!
Were you long in the hospital?
No, I was the same size that I am now!
What does one star say to another star when they meet?
Glad to meteor!
Why did the silly kid stand on his head?
His feet were tired!
What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
A pecking order!
Who is the biggest gangster in the sea?
Who is in cowboy films and always broke?
What is green, four legs and two trunks?
Two seasick tourists!
What runs but never walks?
Why was the broom late?
It over slept!
What is a volcano?
A mountain with hiccups!
What key went to college?
I was once in a play called "Breakfast in Bed"
Did you have a big role?
No just toast and marmalade!
What do you call an American drawing?
Did you hear about the fool you keeps going around saying "no"?
No. Oh, so it's you!
Where does success come before work?
In the dictionary!
"Quick, take the wheel", said the nervous driver.
"Because there is a tree coming straight for us!"
Eat up your spinach, it'll put color in your cheeks.
But I don't want green cheeks!
Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool.
Give him a glass of water!
What is a polygon?
A dead parrot!
How did the telephones get married?
In a double ring ceremony!
I've got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
Would you like a duck egg for tea?
Only if you quack it for me!
Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!
What followed the dinosaur?
Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's the same as an English "s"!